That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
