Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize