Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
