Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
