that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
