Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
