Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm both gender and math confused
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
