Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
