I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
