Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
