just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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