I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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