508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
