Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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