just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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