so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
