you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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