piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You work out of a Hotel?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
