Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
