hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
