We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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