I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dicks are not precious.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
