Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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