Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
