Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
