Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
