We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
