I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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