I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
