life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
