I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
