I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
