my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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