hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
