hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize