if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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