plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
