He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You need Xanax blowdarts
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
