I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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