So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
