I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
