I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Please don't give away my fajitas
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
