I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
