Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
