You just made me feel so damn special
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
