another moral hangover. fuck.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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