It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
