He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
