remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
