Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
