we have pet lesbian snakes
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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