im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
