yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
