see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
