she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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