I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish you could order shots online.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
my nose is crying tears of wow.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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