your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
