Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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