I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
