So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize