I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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