Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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