my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
