Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
