What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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