Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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