I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
