Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
