moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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