there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Terrible idea I love it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
