Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
