Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
